Sunny  Day on the Wolds
Here I am home safely,
Relaxing in the tub,
Reflecting on my outing
With Wheldrake Walking Club.
Tom Halstead was the leader
A walk he thought we’d like
So all set off from Thixendale
A lovely 7 mile hike.
The hike turned out eventful
It had promised  to be fun
And even though in February,
We were well blessed with the sun.
Now hubby Jim had promised,
‘twould not be steep hills first,
But Tom had thought quite differently,
So ‘twas upward at a burst.
I tried hard not to talk too much ,
As Jennie bid me do,
But found the need to stop a while
And just take in the view.
The ground was total tussocks,
Terrain not good at all,
And though I tried my best to smile,
I did not have a ball.
Not while the steep slopes stayed in view ,
As far as eye could see,
And all the other twenty folks,
Were well ahead of me.
No matter where I put a foot,
Seems all I did was trip,
And though I stuck both sticks in hard,
I could not get a grip.
Whilst others tried encouragement
With tips on how to fair,
My brain was not receptive,
And I really did not care,
‘bout whether I was ‘doing well’
Or ‘nearly at the top’,
All that now was in my mind
Was when will this all stop !!

The long legged in the party,
Were all now up the hill,
And when I caught them up
Remarked ‘ the view was really Brill’
The time went by , now well past  twelve,
When would we stop for food?
‘ it’s just a little further on’
Did not enhance my mood.
And then it all went Pear Shaped,
My boots stuck in the mud,
And as I tried to extricate,
They both sank down for good.
No! – I was going nowhere,
My trunk began to sway,
Whilst feet were firmly planted
The rest went its own way.
As Physics laws all tell us,
Heavy items one and all,
If not quite well supported ,
Most certainly will fall.
And so I had no option,
With nothing I could do,
No denying laws of Physics,
Backside firmly in the goo.
Seeing my predicament,
Some came to pull me out,
But despite their good intentions
They too began to shout.
‘It is no good ,we’re sinking too,
You’ll have to help yourself,’
So turning round onto all fours,
I crawled out with some stealth. 
By now morale was running low,
With mud from head to toe,
The others marching on ahead,
Intent on where to go -
To find themselves a fitting place ,
To sit down for their lunch,
And all that I could think about,
Was now here comes the crunch.

How can I eat hygienically  ,
Devour my fine repast,
And find a spot conducive ,
To have a rest at last.
The ‘wet wipes’ , they were wet no more,
My nails and hands all grimy,
And then I had a bright idea,
And thought , that’s it  Cor Blimey,
I’ll do like on the Tele,
Improvise on plastic glove,
So Jim tied some onto my hands,
He really is a love.
So now my lunch I could unpack,
And open  up the lid,
And pick my pie up without fear,
In fact it’s what I did.
The crusty pie I’d scarcely bit,
When Tom piped up – “Just Five !”
I just could not believe it ,
How would I stay alive.
I pleaded , really have no doubt,
‘ Come on now , please say ten’
‘Cos if I get some more inside,
I can set off again.
We set off back and thankfully,
The way was mostly Tarmac,
And I was oh, so grateful,
That I’d make it the whole way back.
At tearooms still bespattered,
I was banished to the yard,
The others sat and chatted,
But then  ‘I’m Big and Hard’
A dust sheet for protection,
I climbed into the car,
And off we set to Pocklington,
A good job it’s not far.
Once home there came a great plan,
Of major mud removal ,
Outside a bucket and a brush,
Jim gave his full approval.

I must have had an inkling
That something would go amiss,
‘Cos the casserole was pre-cooked,
Most thankful now for this.

Outside I scrubbed the boots off,
Including sticks and laces,
And brushed the now caked residue,
From all my private places. 

Into the kitchen , in the sink,
Went fleece and pants and socks,
And there I stood with legs abare,
 But then not much Jim shocks.
So here I am , Yes in the bath,
The paper’s getting wet.
I ‘ve got the whole day off my chest,
And that is all you’ll get !!!
How long did you say the walk was ???
Jane Gilpin 17 02 13.
Note  - the reference to being’ Big and hard’  is this – I found out not too long ago that when I used to help with Wheldrake cubs when my now 40yr son went  - the other cubs used to call me ‘Big and Hard Mrs Gilpin ‘ I can’t think why !!!